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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of france in two years

the pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of france in two years
The two given pie charts demonstrate
comparability
Correct article usage
the comparability
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 of
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
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 type renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 sources which are generated in France in two separate
years
Use synonyms
 (1995-2005). At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first glance, it is patently evident that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 among range of
energy
Use synonyms
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturers
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 different
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
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.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 both these
Use synonyms
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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 produce coal, gas,
Use synonyms
Petro
Use the right word
petroleum
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, nuclear and other. In terms of comparison,
exclude
Wrong verb form
excluding
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Petro
Use synonyms
, other production has been growing. As can be clearly seen from the first pie chart, coal comparison with 29.80% and after 10
years
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
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rose around
1
Punctuation problem
1,
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remained the most produced
energy
Use synonyms
 type in both
years
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, other
energy
Use synonyms
 sources had the smallest proportion among all production
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 after on decade with the most growth, it
was
Verb problem
apply
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still remained
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 minimum significantly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, gas and
Use synonyms
petro
Correct your spelling
petroleum
 in 1995 had the same proportion
approximately
Punctuation problem
, approximately
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 29%. It was reported, 10
years
Use synonyms
 later
gas
Punctuation problem
, gas
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rise
Wrong verb form
rose
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 slightly,
whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
petro
Correct your spelling
petroleum
generate
Wrong verb form
generated
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 less than before
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 19.55%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nuclear
energy
Use synonyms
 as same
as
Change preposition
like
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 other
had
Wrong verb form
forms, has
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 improved significantly

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, years, petro with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nuclear energy
  • Renewable energy
  • Non-renewable energy
  • Technological advancements
  • Government policy
  • Environmental policies
  • Investment in renewable technologies
  • Traditional energy sources
  • Coal usage
  • Natural gas
  • Environmental regulations
  • Energy consumption
  • Energy production levels
  • Proportion
  • Broader trends
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