IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You started in your present job two years ago.You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager .In your letter say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to request that I be promoted to another department to develop my skills.I have been working with
this
Linking Words
 firm for the past two years.
Firstly
Linking Words
,I have learnt many things from
this
Linking Words
 job, as I am an engineer and working as a four-man
.
Check wording
team.
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I suppose
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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I learnt how to tackle difficult
ways
Check wording
tasks
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,like overloaded work and show the team spirit for our extra time duties.As you know,
this
Linking Words
 is not my department but I fulfil
my all
Correct word order
all my
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responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 with full command.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,I suggest that promoted
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
in
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 my department
thus
Linking Words
 to deal with my interest because that was not my field.If you gave me a chance to work with
engineers
Punctuation problem
engineers,
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then
Linking Words
 I
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be more productive for your company.I have
numours
Correct your spelling
numerous
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
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 for
development
Correct pronoun usage
its development
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of
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. From my perspective,I would take as a career of
this
Linking Words
 opportunity and I can not leave it because I have adjusted here. I am waiting for your prompt
reponse
Correct your spelling
response
 that you would give me a chance. Yours faithfully, Rabia Rizwan.

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Task
Use one clear aim per paragraph. Start with your goal, then say how you can help the firm, then ask for the move.
Task
Be clear on which dept you want and how your work fits there. Give one or two facts to back up your claim.
Coherence
Fix word choice and join ideas with small links. Use plain, simple English.
Coherence
Make each paragraph have one idea. Put a new idea in a new paragraph.
tone
Polite and respectful tone.
commitment
Shows you want to stay with the firm.
content
You note what you have learned in your job.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career development
  • transferable skills
  • professional growth
  • department
  • diversify experience
  • benefit
  • contribute
  • innovate
  • perspective
  • team collaboration
  • job satisfaction
  • company loyalty
  • internal transfer
  • long-term commitment
  • value addition
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