IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You started in your present job two years ago.You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager .In your letter say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to request
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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that I
want
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be promoted
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 to
promote
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apply
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another department to develop my skills.I started working with your firm two years ago and I was doing well as I
ample
Use the right word
applied
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 my full concentration.
Moreover
Linking Words
,I was working as a four-man,so I learned many
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 during my work,
such
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 as how
tackle
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to tackle
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 difficult
situation
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situations
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,
as well as
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,
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apply
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how to organise
overload
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overloaded
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 work.
In addition
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,my co-workers are
comfortabe
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 with me because I give
space
Correct pronoun usage
them space
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 to do their work easily and put their ideas in any project. I
supposed
Wrong verb form
suppose
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 that you provided another opportunity to enhance my ability.I would like to move IT department because recently, I did
two
Correct determiner usage
a
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month
Use the right word
two-month
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 course during my job,so you would
to
Verb problem
like to
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 see my skills for
this
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 department.
This
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 will be beneficial for your company because I have full command
with
Change preposition
of
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this
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. I do not want to leave
this
Linking Words
 company because I have been working with you for
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two years.I believe
,
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apply
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I would take
this
Linking Words
 field as a career. Yours faithfully, Rabia Rizwan.

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your request in the first paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea.
task achievement
Use a more formal tone throughout the letter.
task achievement
You explained what you have learned in your job clearly.
task achievement
You expressed your desire to stay with the company which shows loyalty.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career development
  • transferable skills
  • professional growth
  • department
  • diversify experience
  • benefit
  • contribute
  • innovate
  • perspective
  • team collaboration
  • job satisfaction
  • company loyalty
  • internal transfer
  • long-term commitment
  • value addition
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