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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below show the population of India and China from the year 2000 to the present day with projections for growth to the year 2050 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

The graph below show the population of India and China from the year 2000 to the present day with projections for growth to the year 2050 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant
The graph illustrates the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 living in two countries - India and
China
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
from
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 2000
until
Change preposition
to
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 the present day.
In addition
Linking Words
, it shows a prediction of growth in 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, both countries' populations are predicted to grow by 2050. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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China
Use synonyms
 had the largest
population
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is predicted to start a slow decline from 2030 to 2050.
Whereas
Linking Words
 India's future
population
Use synonyms
 is foreseen to reach
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest peak by the end of the period. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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China
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
 was around 1,250
billion
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it grew steadily until the present.
However
Linking Words
, it is predicted to reach its highest mark in 2030,
then
Linking Words
 steadily decline from 2030 to 2050 by a loss of 50
billion
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
. India's
population
Use synonyms
 was below 1.0
billion
Use synonyms
 at the start of 2000.
However
Linking Words
, numbers are fluctuating rapidly and are predicted to be the same as
China
Use synonyms
 in 2030, at just above 1.4
billion
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 they continue to rise until 2025 to reach a peak of 1,600
billion
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, china, population, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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