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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart below shows the percentage of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart below shows the percentage of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 line graph provides the information about the percentage of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 more than ten hours on computer games between 1984 and 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others.
In contrast
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,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the older folks have the lowest friction in
this
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 part.
However
Linking Words
, the population between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 of 25 to 44 had been approximately
40
Correct article usage
a 40
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% ratio
in starting
Wrong verb form
at the start,
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 but drastically
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
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 down at 30% and again went up and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
49%.
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the other hand, people in the age of 45 to 54 had
more
Correct word choice
a higher
show examples
 proportion than the other three communities. It has the same
portion
Check wording
proportion
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 of individuals from 2012 to 2015.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the nation above 55 had more interest till 2013 than
started
Correct pronoun usage
it started
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decrease
Verb problem
to decrease
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 and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
19 % respectively.
At the
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end
Add a comma
end,
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 the older generation
who
Punctuation problem
, who
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 above 75
gradually
Punctuation problem
, gradually
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 increased their ratio
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 21%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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