IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate about whether
companies
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 should be required to give a certain percentage of high-level
positions
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 to
women
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, which has attracted considerable public attention in recent years.
While
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 some people believe that
such
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positions
Use synonyms
 should be based only on skills and experience, I strongly agree with the idea that
women
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 should be given more opportunities in senior roles.
This
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 essay will examine the extent to which
this
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 opinion is valid and discuss the main reasons supporting it. One main reason for
this
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 view is the effect on the
environment
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.
This
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 means that when
women
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 take higher
positions
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 in
companies
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, the working
environment
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 becomes better.
For example
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, many
women
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 leaders care about a clean place and reducing waste in the office.
This
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 helps
companies
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 use fewer resources and reduce pollution in a simple way.
As a result
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,
environment
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 of work
environment
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 is healthier , and people feel comfortable.
This
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 kind of change may be small , but it has a positive impact in the long term
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society. Another important reason is that
this
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 idea helps save
era
Correct article usage
the era
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. When
women
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 are in high-level jobs, decisions can be made faster.
For instance
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,
women
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 managers usually organise work and age
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better
way
Check wording
apply
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.
This
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 makes employees finish tasks early and not waste future
on
Check wording
time on
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 problems.
Therefore
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, the company become more efficient , and stress is reduced for workers.
In addition
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, people can use extra time for family or rest, which is very important in modern life. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
companies
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 should allocate a certain percentage of high-level
positions
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 to
women
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 because it provides clear advantages for both individuals and society.
Overall
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,
this
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 makes the argument more convincing in today’s world.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a clear idea and keep one main point in each paragraph. Use a good opening line to tell what you will say. End with a short answer that repeats your view.
structure
Use topic sentences. Each paragraph should begin with the main idea. Link the idea to your view and give a simple example.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like also, but, however, for this reason to help flow.
language
Check grammar and word use. Fix repeats like 'environment' in one line. Use clear and short sentences.
language
Use more clear and real examples. Give a simple policy or a known fact, not vague statements.
strength
The writer shows a clear view on the issue.
strength
Two reasons are given to support the view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
What to do next:
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