IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter - say what you have learned in your present job - suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department - explain why you do not wish to leave the company

Dear manager, I am
writting
Correct your spelling
writing
 to express my gratitude to you and request
a
Correct article usage
apply
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permission for my application. I have been working at
this
Linking Words
 company for up to two years; Recently, I am thinking about changing to the department of design for my personal
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
 of career. First of all, I really appreciate
that
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apply
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everything you taught me throughout these two years. I remember how friendly
were you
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you were
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 on the first day we met each other in
this
Linking Words
 office. During
this
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 period, my skills had been significantly improved by working in
Correct article usage
the salse
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salse
Use the right word
sales
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 department,
such
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 as
ability
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my ability
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of
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to
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communication
Replace the word
communicate
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 and
teamwork
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work in teams
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. These
cababilities
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capabilities
 are important for my future career. After thinking twice, I decided to apply to move to
department
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the department
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 of design. As you know, I have a
master
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master's
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 degree
of
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in
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 graphic design, I believe I can contribute more in
new
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a new
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 position than in
present
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my present
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 one. It is too hard for me to make
this
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 decision
,
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;
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 everyone is kind and generous,
Linking Words
this
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which
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 is the reason I like all of you. Thank you for your time and consideration
,
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.
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 hope to hear from you soon. Yours sincerely Chris

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grammar
Fix the basic grammar and spelling mistakes, like writting and devolopment.
structure
Use one main idea in each paragraph and start a new paragraph for each new point.
content
Tell how the move will help the firm with clear points and not keep it too short.
content
Give a clear reason to stay in the firm after the move.
tone
Polite tone and thanks at the start and end.
content
Shows wish to stay with the firm, not leave.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career development
  • transferable skills
  • professional growth
  • department
  • diversify experience
  • benefit
  • contribute
  • innovate
  • perspective
  • team collaboration
  • job satisfaction
  • company loyalty
  • internal transfer
  • long-term commitment
  • value addition
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