IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers should give their employees 4-week holidays each year so that they can do their job better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It should be the obligation of employers to provide one month vacation to their workers to do their job done in a better
way
Check wording
apply
show examples
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, will explain my point in the upcoming paragraphs. First of all, seniors of a firm should give some day offs to spend with their family members. Families are the topmost priority of every person
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they need time to give some time to their loved ones and refresh themselves to balance their personal and professional lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by The New York Times in 2023 found that after getting paid leave from the companies, people are enjoying their lifestyle and managing their workload in an effective and efficient manner. Another factor is that breaks are important for the success of every business. Continuous work creates frustration and anger among the workforce, which results in lower productivity. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 notion, a report was published that showed 76% increase in output of those companies that provide holidays as compared to the businesses that operate 12 months of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 year.
To conclude
Linking Words
, after determining all the above mentioned reasons, I personally believe that paid vacations or some family trips sponsored by the employers play a very crucial role in both personal and professional relationships.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more fully. Say why you agree, and also show why some people may not agree.
task response
Add one more clear idea to make your view stronger and more complete.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and clear. Your examples are good, but they need a bit more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some parts jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form. A few lines are hard to follow because the grammar is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main idea, then explain it step by step.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are on topic and easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: