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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two bar charts show the proportion of 14-16-year-old students studying a modern foreign language in an English-Speaking country and the top three popular foreign languages Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

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The bar chart compares the percentage of 14-
16-years-old
Replace the word
16-year-old
students
Use synonyms
 studying a modern foreign
in
Check wording
language in
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
English-speaking
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 and
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
, German,
Spanish
Correct word choice
and Spanish
show examples
languages
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentages
Check wording
percentage
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who studied a foreign language
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 girls
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 higher than
boys
Change preposition
among boys
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, student learned French
Use synonyms
languages
Check wording
apply
show examples
account for the largest share of total
languages
Use synonyms
. In stark contrast, the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
learned
Correct pronoun usage
who learned
show examples
 Spanish
Use synonyms
languages
Check wording
apply
show examples
with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 dates in
this
Linking Words
 table and have slight increase trend during
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
. In
term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
of
Punctuation problem
, of
show examples
 girl are participate in
discovered a
Wrong verb form
discovering
show examples
 foreign
languages
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
more than
show examples
Use synonyms
students of
Check wording
apply
show examples
boys, with the data of females is 49 % and 30% of males in 1984.
Although
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
engage
Correct pronoun usage
who engage
show examples
 in
studied
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 new
languages
Use synonyms
 have
growth
Correct article usage
a growth
show examples
 trend,
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
apply
show examples
girls
still
Verb problem
are still
show examples
tall
Replace the word
taller
 than boys in 2007, respectively with 40% of females and 25% of males in 2007. Looking at the data, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 enjoy acquire a French
Use synonyms
languages
Check wording
language
show examples
 in both years, but it decreased significantly from 50 in 1984 to 24 in 2007. The proportion of student revised
German
Correct article usage
the German
show examples
Use synonyms
languages
Check wording
language
show examples
 declined slowly between 20 in 1984 and 15 in 2007.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
Spanish
Correct article usage
the Spanish
show examples
languages
Use synonyms
 have climbed trends, with the total from 2 to 10 during
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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