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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The picture depicts the population of international pupils
in
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apply
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across Canada in different universities. There are eight cities, and it is measured by percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
graduated students
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number of graduates
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 was from New Brunswick,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
Use synonyms
student
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number of students
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 registered was in Ontario. It can be seen that the number of students in 2006 was higher than
in
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five years ago.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, in 2001,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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New Brunswick had the largest
Use synonyms
student's
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student
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 community at more than a fifth. Followed by Nova Scotia and Quebec, as the second and third
numerous
Correct word choice
largest number of
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 graduated
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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, with around 6.5% and 6% respectively. The rest of the cities had
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 trend by under 5%,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 Alberta and British Columbia
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 shared a
slight
Replace the word
slightly
 different percentage at around 0.5%,
while
Linking Words
 Manitoba, Newfoundland and Labrador,
as well as
Linking Words
 Ontario had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 percentage by under 4%. In 2006, New Brunswick still stood
at the
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in
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 first position by 13%,
whereas
Linking Words
 British Columbia and Nova Scotia shared a
significat
Correct your spelling
significant
 change at around 12%. Despite
of
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the improvement of the
student
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, the rest of the universities had only under 10% growth. When Manitoba
alongside
Punctuation problem
, alongside
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with
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Newfoundland and
Labrador
Punctuation problem
Labrador,
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 had a similar trend, the
least
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lowest percentage
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 of
graduated
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graduates
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student
Use synonyms
 was in Ontario at around 6%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words student with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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