IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in economic industrial sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in economic industrial sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.
The line chart illustrates the labour force
employment
Replace the word
employed
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 in economic industrial
sectors
Use synonyms
 during the period from 1930 to 2010 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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. These five economic
sectors
Use synonyms
 include
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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sector
Use synonyms
, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting
,
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 technical
sector
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, and other services.
The employment
Correct article usage
Employment
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 in the
sector
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 of farming, fishing and foresting played a less significant role during
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 30 years. It had the highest percentage at the beginning, close to 80% in 1930,
then
Linking Words
 gradually dropped to 60% in 1970, and after that, dramatically fell close to 1%
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of the period.  Before 1970,  the employment of three
sectors
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 ( technical, sales and office, and  industrial) presented with zig-zag trends, sitting between 0 to 15%. After 1970, the figure
of
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for
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 these
sectors
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 presented upward trends.
Industrial
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The industrial
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sector
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 had a sharp increase until 2000 and
then
Linking Words
 flatted out close to 40%, the highest percentage among
the
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all
sectors
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 in 2010. So did
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the sale
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sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 and office
sector
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, but with
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 increase rate, about 35% in 2010, the
third
Linking Words
 highest figure. The technical
sector
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 presented a sharp increase in the
last
Linking Words
 30 years with about 35% in 2020.  The
sector
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 of other services increased at the beginning and peaked in 1940
with
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at
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 about 15%. Since
then
Linking Words
, it decreased gradually to about 10% in 1970 and flatted out until the end of the period. Allover,
agricultural
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the agricultural
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sector
Use synonyms
 has played a less significant role in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 workforce market since 1930 and the two
sectors
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 (industrial and technical) have become more important daily
with
Change preposition
apply
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occupying about 30% individually.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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