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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #workers #work #home #hours #males #females #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph provides information regarding why workers prefer to
work
 from home and
Add a missing verb
is listed
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listed
Wrong verb form
lists
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out
Change preposition
apply
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with main reasons-A,B,
C
Correct word choice
and C
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; and the table illustrates the time spent by people weekly for
work
 in the period of 2019. The bar chart
data's
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data
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 were calculated in percentage; The table
calibrated
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was calibrated
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 into
hours
/week.
Overall
,
To save
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Saving
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 money was the major
reason
 for both
male
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males
show examples
 and
female
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females
show examples
. And, Easier childcare was the
second
 most
reason
 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
,
whereas
males
 shows an opposite trend and accounted very less in
this
 category. To save money was the most important
reason
 for both men and females, brought up to 45%,
42
Correct word choice
and 42
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% respectively. Moving to more productive,
Males
 contribute almost more than two times
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
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 females, having 24%,
11
Correct word choice
and 11
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% correspondingly. There was
an
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apply
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one more
reason
 which was Easier childcare. In
this
, there was a
dramatically
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dramatic
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 difference seen between
two
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the two
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gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
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, where
female
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the female
a female
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 was 26% and
males
was
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were
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 just 4%. Moving to the table,
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 spend their time for
work
 from home
in
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apply
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under 10
hours
 per week,
,
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apply
show examples
 having 74%;
in contrast
,
Males
 perform very
less
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fewer
show examples
hours
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 proportion of 3%. Between 10 to 30
hours
/week for both
males
 and females have a slight difference in
hours
 with 16% and 22% respectively. Over 30
hours
,
Males
 was working long
hours
 compare with all their
hours
Change to a genitive case
hour's
hours'
show examples
 category
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and accounted for 81%, but female in
this
 category
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 for least
hours
 with just 6%.
Submitted by Pavansai Vemula on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, hours, reason, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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