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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #workers #work #home #hours #males #females #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph provides information regarding why workers prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 from home and
Add a missing verb
is listed
show examples
listed
Wrong verb form
lists
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out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with main reasons-A,B,
C
Correct word choice
and C
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; and the table illustrates the time spent by people weekly for
work
Use synonyms
 in the period of 2019. The bar chart
data's
Change noun form
data
show examples
 were calculated in percentage; The table
calibrated
Add a missing verb
was calibrated
show examples
 into
hours
Use synonyms
/week.
Overall
Linking Words
,
To save
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Saving
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 money was the major
reason
Use synonyms
 for both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. And, Easier childcare was the
second
Linking Words
 most
reason
Use synonyms
 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
males
Use synonyms
 shows an opposite trend and accounted very less in
this
Linking Words
 category. To save money was the most important
reason
Use synonyms
 for both men and females, brought up to 45%,
42
Correct word choice
and 42
show examples
% respectively. Moving to more productive,
Males
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 contribute almost more than two times
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 females, having 24%,
11
Correct word choice
and 11
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% correspondingly. There was
an
Remove the article
apply
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one more
reason
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 which was Easier childcare. In
this
Linking Words
, there was a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 difference seen between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
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, where
female
Add an article
the female
a female
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 was 26% and
males
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 just 4%. Moving to the table,
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 spend their time for
work
Use synonyms
 from home
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under 10
hours
Use synonyms
 per week,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 having 74%;
in contrast
Linking Words
,
Males
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 perform very
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion of 3%. Between 10 to 30
hours
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/week for both
males
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 and females have a slight difference in
hours
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 with 16% and 22% respectively. Over 30
hours
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,
Males
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 was working long
hours
Use synonyms
 compare with all their
Use synonyms
hours
Change to a genitive case
hour's
hours'
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 category
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and accounted for 81%, but female in
this
Linking Words
 category
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 for least
hours
Use synonyms
 with just 6%.
Submitted by Pavansai Vemula on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, hours, reason, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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