IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The following graphs illustrate electronic gaming trends in South Korea in 2006. The first outlines gamer age groups and gender demographics. The second indicates game type preference. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The following graphs illustrate electronic gaming trends in South Korea in 2006. The first outlines gamer age groups and gender demographics. The second indicates game type preference. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#graphs #trends #korea #first #outlines #gamer #age #groups #gender #demographics #second #game #type #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar charts illustrate the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006. The first graph gives information about
gamers
Use synonyms
’ age and gender, and the second compares
gamers
Use synonyms
’ preferences for different types of
games
Use synonyms
. The first graph shows that there were more male
gamers
Use synonyms
 than female
gamers
Use synonyms
 in every single age group. Nearly half of all
gamers
Use synonyms
 (45%) were aged between 20 and 29 years, of which 35% were males and 10% were females. The second largest age group was
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the 13 to
19 year olds
Add a hyphen
19-year-olds
show examples
,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 made up 26% of all
gamers
Use synonyms
. 14%
Use synonyms
gamers
Change preposition
of gamers
show examples
 were younger than 12 years
and15
Correct your spelling
and 15
%
Change preposition
of
show examples
gamers
Use synonyms
 were older than 30 years.
According to
Linking Words
 the second diagram around 50% of
gamers
Use synonyms
 rated role-playing
games
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 most popular in marked contrast to simulation, which was liked by only 10%. Other
games
Use synonyms
, which did not fit into the given four categories, had the least popularity. The preferences for strategy/
turn based
Add a hyphen
turn-based
show examples
 and action
games
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, were almost similar. Just a little more than 20% of
gamers
Use synonyms
 preferred the former,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 approximately 17% favoured the latter. From the bar graphs, one can conclude that far more males than females played electronic
games
Use synonyms
, and role-playing was the top choice for game type in Korea, in 2006
Submitted by bduriseti211 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 88%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words games, gamers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "trends" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: