Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree?

It is argued that
a companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
companies
a company
show examples
should provide a significant value on
women
acquiring a higher position because it is usually dominated by men, even though
half
Add an article
the half
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of the staff are
females
mostly in richer countries.
This
essay agrees with the statement mentioned above because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
equality and some bigger achievement belongs to
women
. As a species, we tend to think that the male invades the world
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
being
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
dominant, but people should believe in equality because
women
can perform well in the said position.
This
is to say that
females
are capable of performing what the opposite gender can do including in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
corporate world
such
as
a steady and firm decisions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a steady and firm decision
steady and firm decisions
show examples
in terms of
difficult
Add an article
a difficult
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
For instance
, the late former President Cory Aquino,
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
the
Add a missing verb
was the
show examples
first
female president of the Philippines, as she
fight
Change the verb form
fights
show examples
for her country during the 20 years
dictator
Change preposition
of dictator
show examples
invation
Correct your spelling
innovation
, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can see in her interviews the dedication and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strong power of being
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a woman
women
show examples
women
.
Furthermore
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
are certain qualities that
females
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
This
means that mostly bigger achievements are ruled by
Correct your spelling
women
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
like in university, a significant fact is documented that
mostly
Replace the word
most
show examples
females
are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
who
excel
Change the verb form
excels
show examples
in class including sports
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and other
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
activities.
For example
, recent survey data that 80% of the graduates with
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
in most
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
in Victoria town
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
females
,
consequently
they are much prepared for bigger things. In conclusion,
This
essay support the idea of
women
should
also
have a seat for
higher
Add an article
the higher
a higher
show examples
position because of non-discrimination and huge
accomplishement
Correct your spelling
accomplishment
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mostly by
females
.
Submitted by brainfreeze on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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