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Band 5.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #cent #percentage #women
Some people argue that
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 just give a chance of a specific prestigious
position
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a man
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 rather than
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
. While I agree that companies
also
 have to give the same opportunity for
women
 to
work
 at high-level positions in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
workplace
, I do not agree that
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 should provide a certain
percentage
 of these positions to
women
. On the one hand, men and
women
 should have access to the same professional opportunities.
Company
Correct article usage
The company
show examples
 has a responsibility to make sure that every employee has the same right to improve their capability related to their
work
, despite their gender and their social background.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies should choose both men and
women
 as their representatives to do
a specific training skills
Correct the article-noun agreement
specific training skills
a specific training skill
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to
important
Add an article
the important
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 at
work
, as an important requirement to get promoted at their jobs. so they would have the same opportunity to pursue a better career in the future.
However
, I disagree with the idea that
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 should have a certain
percentage
 of
women
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
. Both men and
women
 should be employed according to their abilities, qualifications, and experience.
For example
 when
women
 have a specific qualification as a manager at the
company
, but the
workplace
 just
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 2% of all the
women
 at the companies to represent themselves.
As a result
, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
 will have a chance to apply for the manager
position
.
In other words
, the
company
 at the same time still make a limitation
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
women
 because the regulation just
to give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 a minimum
percentage
 for
women
 to be chosen as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
company
 manager. In conclusion,
although
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 want to give a certain
percentage
 of
women
 to
work
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high-level
position
 at the
workplace
, I believe that
this
 regulation still
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 a limitation for
women
 to improve and develop their capability as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good employee in the
workplace
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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