IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #cent #percentage #women
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Some people argue that
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company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 just give a chance of a specific prestigious
position
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for
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to
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 a man
at
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in
show examples
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workplace
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the workplace
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 rather than
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women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
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. While I agree that companies
also
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 have to give the same opportunity for
women
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 to
work
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 at high-level positions in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
workplace
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, I do not agree that
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company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 should provide a certain
percentage
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 of these positions to
women
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. On the one hand, men and
women
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 should have access to the same professional opportunities.
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Company
Correct article usage
The company
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 has a responsibility to make sure that every employee has the same right to improve their capability related to their
work
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, despite their gender and their social background.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies should choose both men and
women
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 as their representatives to do
a specific training skills
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specific training skills
a specific training skill
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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related
Add a missing verb
are related
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 to
important
Add an article
the important
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task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 at
work
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, as an important requirement to get promoted at their jobs. so they would have the same opportunity to pursue a better career in the future.
However
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, I disagree with the idea that
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company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 should have a certain
percentage
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 of
women
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Use synonyms
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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. Both men and
women
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 should be employed according to their abilities, qualifications, and experience.
For example
Linking Words
 when
women
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 have a specific qualification as a manager at the
company
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, but the
workplace
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 just
give
Change the verb form
gives
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 2% of all the
women
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 at the companies to represent themselves.
As a result
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, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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women
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 will have a chance to apply for the manager
position
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.
In other words
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, the
company
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 at the same time still make a limitation
for
Change preposition
on
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women
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 because the regulation just
to give
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gives
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 a minimum
percentage
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 for
women
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 to be chosen as
a
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apply
show examples
company
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 manager. In conclusion,
although
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company
Correct article usage
the company
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 want to give a certain
percentage
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 of
women
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 to
work
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high-level
position
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 at the
workplace
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, I believe that
this
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 regulation still
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 a limitation for
women
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 to improve and develop their capability as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good employee in the
workplace
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.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
What to do next:
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