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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The two pie charts compare what and how many languages English students spoke at a university located in England between the years 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Spanish
Use synonyms
being
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the most commonly spoken one in both years.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the least spoken was the German
language
Use synonyms
. It can be seen obviously from the charts that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who
spoken
Wrong verb form
spoke
show examples
 only
Spanish
Use synonyms
 in both 2000 and 2010
comprising
Wrong verb form
comprised
show examples
 the highest percentage of 30% and 35%, respectively. In 2000, the proportion of
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 using
Spanish
Use synonyms
 was two times higher than
France-the
Correct your spelling
France
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 that was just making up 15% at
this
Linking Words
 time.
Then
Linking Words
, the number of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 who spoke
Spanish
Use synonyms
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 up slightly,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing by
show examples
 5% and
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 35% in the year 2010.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
show examples
also
Linking Words
 evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 German was the
language
Use synonyms
 that was most seldom used at
this
Linking Words
 university. Students speaking German stabilised at 10% over the period shown, which was three times lower than those who use
Spanish
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, with an increase to 20% from 15% in 2000, those who spoke another
language
Use synonyms
 became the second largest group in the year 2010.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words spanish, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • multilingualism
  • globalisation
  • immigration
  • education policy
  • career prospects
  • cultural understanding
  • distribution
  • percentage
  • increased/decreased
  • significant
  • trends
  • shifts
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