The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
The following illustration depicts the
percentage
of two sexes in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
that daily consume five or more portions of
fruits
and
vegetables
in 2006. There are 7 seven
age
groups of
people
illustrated on the bar chart.
Overall
, we observe that the highest amount of
fruits
and
vegetables
have been eaten by females.
Also
, the least amount of plant-based food
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
consumed by
people
that are aged 19-24. And the highest
percentage
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been eaten by English
people
that are aged 55-64.
Due to
this
reason, we can see
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
trend between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
age
groups, which are 19-24 and 55-64, and after
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
decrease in percentages of consumed fruit and
vegetables
. Young
people
that were 19-24, ate about 15% each.
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
consumed slightly more
fruits
and
vegetables
than males. We observe
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
decrease in the next
age
group which is 25-34. Men ate 20% and women almost a quarter.
People
that are 35-44 years old ate even more
percentage
of plants, which was almost a quarter in males
diet
and exactly 25% in females
diet
. Females that are aged 45-54 ate more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
25% of
fruits
and
vegetables
, but males'
percentage
remained constant. Both genders reached a peak of consuming more
plant based
Add a hyphen
plant-based
show examples
food at the
age
of 55-64.
Fruits
and
vegetables
made up about 35% of the
diet
of
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
women. And men ate almost 30% of the same
diet
. After we can observe
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
trend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because both genders started eating less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
plant based
Add a hyphen
plant-based
show examples
food when they got older.
Female
Add an article
A female
The female
show examples
that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
aged 65-74 ate about 30% of fruit and
vegeatables
Correct your spelling
vegetables
, and men ate almost 30%. English
people
that are aged 75 ate the same amount of fruit and
vegetables
which was 25%.
Submitted by Ayan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, fruits, vegetables, age, people, diet with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: