Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

Although
women are taking more than half of the workforce in many developed countries, it is not uncommon to see more men in top positions. Companies must give a certain percentage of high-level positions to women. In my opinion, the sex of a worker does not matter.If we
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
required to allocate some statues only to ladies, several problems might occur. and we only have to give these statuses to people who deserve them.
Firstly
, there are no limits for ladies to achieving success in their careers. It only depends on how much and how well the person works. If we will prioritize gender over skills, it may lead us to a catastrophe. To illustrate, a similar idea had a beginning in 2022 in a corporation called Apple. Owners decided to only allow 50% of managers to be men.
Consequently
, Apple faces a lot of obstacles
due to
the lack of professional managers. So they are hiring random women in order to hire men.
That is
an extra problem that could be avoided without rules related to gender.
Also
, there are some problems related to being a mother.
Because when
Correct word choice
When
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Father
Correct article usage
a Father
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has a child, he starts to work even more to earn enough money and support his child. And Mothers, are not able to do so, because they have to raise their children.
For example
, the vice-prime minister of Switzerland in 2013 was a woman. After two years in
this
position, she became pregnant and was unable to continue her job.
As a result
,that
made
Verb problem
caused
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a lot of trouble for the entire country. In conclusion, only worthy people have to be bosses. It would be a bad idea to only allow certain percentages of high positions to have a particular sex.
Moreover
, girls may become a mother, which creates an extra issue.
Submitted by muharodnoy on

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task response
Your essay does not fully address the prompt. It is important to clearly state your position and provide a balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. Your ideas lack logical development and coherence between paragraphs.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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