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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
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The bar data illustrates the percentage of both genders eating five or more
portion
Fix the agreement mistake
portions
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 of fruit and vegetable per day in the UK by
age
Use synonyms
 group in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the chart shows that the
age
Use synonyms
 group from 55-64 consumed the highest portion of food
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 19 to 24 years old takes the least at about 15%. In more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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, from 19 to 24 the consumption of the said substance was about 15% for both
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we can see
the
Correct article usage
a
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 steady increase in consumption
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they get older.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it reaches its highest peak from 55-64 years old at around 30% before experiencing a sudden decrease of at least 10% when they reached the
age
Use synonyms
 of 75.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 54 the fraction of nutrient consumption
on
Change preposition
in
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male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 remains steady at around 20%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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