IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.
#line #labour #force #employment #five #sectors #period #usa #sector #sales #office #services
The line chart shows the USA workforce structure in 5 groups between 1930 and 2010,
such
 as
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
 sector, sales and office,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. The numbers are given in
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 (%), briefly Farming, fishing and foresting started with the largest
employees
Correct quantifier usage
number of employees
show examples
until
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1990 and dropped to the lowest
employees
Correct quantifier usage
number of employees
show examples
 in 2010.
It is clear that
 old-economy jobs like Farming, fishing and foresting trended to
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
 over the period
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 nearly 79% in 1930 to around 1% in 2010.
Whereas
, new-economy jobs
such
 as Industrial, Technical,
Sale
Fix the agreement mistake
Sales
show examples
 and office trended to increase constantly from 1970 to 2010 which was around 10 to
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 38, 35, and 20 respectively. All in all, the old-economy works have a
hugh
Correct your spelling
huge
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the labor
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force market from the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 disruption
espeacially
Correct your spelling
especially
 from 1970 to 1990.
Submitted by ChampJT on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: