IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.
The line graph shows the
labour
Use synonyms
 force employment in five sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010. These five are farming and fishing and foresting ,ar technical sector ,sales and office ,industrial and other
servies
Correct your spelling
services
. The line graph shows the downfall of farming ,fishing and foresting. The graph shows the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
labour
Use synonyms
 employment in other sectors . We would
vitness
Correct your spelling
witness
 the
gratest
Correct your spelling
greatest
 downfall of farming , fishing and foresting in the
year
Use synonyms
 between 1970 and 1980 and
also
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1990 to 2000. Technical
labour
Use synonyms
 force
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 zero between 1930
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 1950, by the
year
Use synonyms
 2010
its
Correct your spelling
it was
show examples
 more or less near to farming,fishing and foreting
labour
Use synonyms
 force. Sales and office had ups and downs but
some how
Correct your spelling
somehow
show examples
 it had managed to touch the 20% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010. Other
serviece
Correct your spelling
service
services
labour
Use synonyms
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 had a gradual
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 and steady
emloyment
Correct your spelling
employment
 rate between the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1970 to 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words labour, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • labour force employment
  • economic sectors
  • industrial sector
  • sales and office
  • farming and fishing and foresting
  • technical sector
  • other services
  • general trend
  • consistent rises or falls
  • dramatically declined
  • rural economies
  • shifts in labor demand
  • industrial boom
  • recessions
  • outsourcing trends
  • post-World War II
  • digital age
  • consumer-driven economy
  • socio-economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • broad socio-economic trends
  • globalization
  • consumer habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: