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Writing Samples
Band 6

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
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The bar chart illustrates us fruit and vegetables that were eaten in the UK in 2006 by the percentage of men and women by the group of age.
Overall
Linking Words
, for all ages, the highest one was the female eater and the lowest one was
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
male
Correct article usage
the male
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 eater . In that year teenagers from 19 to 24 showed the smallest result of consumers. Males ate only 15%
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 just under females
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 accounts
approximately
Change preposition
for approximately
show examples
 17%. Only at the age of 75, individuals showed an equal percentage of users with 25% for both of them. The highest level
gives
Wrong verb form
is given
show examples
 to us by the community of ages 55 to 64, that 2 times more than the youngest of the group. Both sexes calculate numbers from 30 to 35. The other three ages do not have big differences from each other, in all of them the tally of women customers
more
Add a missing verb
was more
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 than the men and they all had a medium percentage.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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