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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
rendered
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart illustrates
about
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apply
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the percentages of British pupils who were able to speak additional languages
in
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at
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 the University of England in 2000 and 2010. The data has been calibrated in
the
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apply
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terms of percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 were able to speak Spanish
language
Use synonyms
 only in the given two time periods.
According to
Linking Words
 the given data,
the
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apply
show examples
10% of British
students
Use synonyms
 were able to speak two languages in
the
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apply
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both years.
While
Linking Words
, as compared from 2000 to 2010,
a
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an
show examples
 increment of 5% has been showed in the figure of people who speak only Spanish
language
Use synonyms
. Surprisingly, nearly 20 per cent of
students
Use synonyms
 were not able to speak any other additional
language
Use synonyms
 in 2000
whereas
Linking Words
, 10% of individuals
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 speak other languages in 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the difference of nearly 5% has been illustrated in the University
students
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 who were able to speak another
language
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 in the year
of
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apply
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2010 as compared to 2000.
Lastly
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,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 who were interested in only
German
Correct article usage
the German
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language
Use synonyms
 as well
in
Correct word choice
as in
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French
Change the article
the French
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 shared the same proportion (10%) in 2000 and 2010.
Submitted by svmaibcamaibs on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • multilingualism
  • globalisation
  • immigration
  • education policy
  • career prospects
  • cultural understanding
  • distribution
  • percentage
  • increased/decreased
  • significant
  • trends
  • shifts
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