IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is competition. It is undeniable that
competing
Correct your spelling
computing
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 has become an essential part of our life.
However
Linking Words
, there is no absolute agreement on whether people should cooperate or compete more. I am of the belief that competition is crucial to guarantee ability enhancement and promotions because it differentiates between
hardworker
Correct your spelling
hard workers
 and unproductive
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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. A commonly held belief is that
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
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 atmosphere will create revenues in
long
Add an article
the long
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 term as workers will help each other to achieve
main
Change the article
the main
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 target. As evidence of
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 they point
,
Change preposition
out, team
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team
Correct article usage
the team
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, involved
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one specific task will guide each other to finish it before
deadline
Add an article
the deadline
show examples
,
as a result
Linking Words
, the cooperation will enhance
group’s
Correct article usage
the group’s
show examples
 skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study conducted by Time magazine revealed that working as a team will ensure success for the company as a unit.
Therefore
Linking Words
, what can be said is that stress-free and cooperative companies can make their profits easily. Despite the acknowledged importance of cooperation, collaborative efforts alone may not lead to individual promotions. When colleagues compete, it becomes easier to identify who is truly hardworking and who relies on others.
For instance
Linking Words
, Google assigns multiple tasks to its employees, enabling the company to discern top performers and reward them with salary increases.
This
Linking Words
 competitive approach encourages individuals to excel and earn promotions. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 cooperation has its merits, it does not necessarily differentiate effective employees from ineffective ones. I believe that fostering healthy competition is essential for prestigious corporations to recognize and reward individual excellence.

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task achievement
Strengthen your main argument by providing more detailed examples and expanding on the implications of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all sentences are clearly connected; consider using transitional phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction more explicitly, indicating the extent of your agreement with the prompt.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view of competition and cooperation, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.
content
The use of real-world examples, such as the reference to Google, adds credibility to your argument and makes it more relatable.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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