IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. -How far do you agree? -What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

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Should certain
workers
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 like nurses, doctors, and teachers be paid more? The reason is that they earn less than other
people
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,
such
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 as actors or
company
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bosses
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, and considering that they don’t do important
job
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jobs
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 like doctors. I disagree with these opinions, and it's possible to explain and
describe
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describe them
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.
People
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 like actors and
bosses
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 earn money through companies. In the case of actors and singers, they make money through sponsors or advertisements,
while
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company
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bosses
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 earn money from their
company
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, which pays huge taxes that benefit the government. Nurses, doctors, and teachers,
on the other hand
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, are paid by the government. You may be asking what the problem is with paying them more, but we need to consider their numbers.
For example
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, if the government increases salaries, it could go bankrupt. There are more public
workers
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 than
people
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 in show business or the media industry. We
also
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 need to consider that if the salary for one profession increases, we need to raise salaries for other professions as well. The third reason is that society values the art of celebrities and admires their popularity. We all have to recognize that becoming a celebrity is not easy. Along the way, being a star involves facing problems like criticism or condemnation, as we all know famous
people
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 depend on social attention. The same applies to
company
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bosses
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. Creating and managing your own business or
company
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 is not easy. Starting with capital, you run the risk of losing everything. In conclusion,
although
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 increasing income for essential
workers
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 to make their salary equal to that of celebrities and
company
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bosses
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 is unlikely, it does not mean that their
salary
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salaries
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 should be low. In every country, the pay for essential service
workers
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 should be at a high level so that they have no need for anything.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your argument by ensuring that every point you make directly relates back to the thesis statement. Consider elaborating on the reasons you stated to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph that summarize the main idea. This helps the reader follow your line of thought more easily.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to support your claims about salary disparities. This can lend weight to your argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear viewpoint on the topic, demonstrating your ability to articulate an opinion, which is crucial for task achievement.
task achievement
You successfully address both sides of the argument, which is beneficial for developing a well-rounded discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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