The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. You should write at least 150 words.

The graph indicates the population in different
age
groups who intake five or more parts of
fruits
and
vegetables
, as recommended by
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
Health Organization, in the UK, in 2006.
Overall
,
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
in the UK consumed more
fruits
and
vegetables
than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
, in which the
middle
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
age
residents accounted for the largest proportion.
On the other hand
, only a few young individuals were able to intake the same amount of nutrition. In 2006, most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
in the UK who
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
five or more portions of
fruits
and
vegetables
were elderly people, especially those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the
age
group between 55 to 64, accounting
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
32
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of males and 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of females. On top of that, there were many people aged 75
Correct pronoun usage
who achived
show examples
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
the standard consumption of
fruits
and
vegetables
, the number of
man
Change to a plural noun
men
show examples
were equal
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
at 25
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
, young adults ate the least of
fruits
and
vegetables
, only 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of young adults who in the
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
between 19 to 24 ate five or more parts of
fruits
and
vegetables
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which girls
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly more than boys.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, fruits, vegetables, percent with synonyms.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: