IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. You should write at least 150 words.

#world #health #organization #people #five #portion #fruit #vegetables #bar #percentage #males #females #uk #age #group
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The graph indicates the population in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups who intake five or more parts of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
, as recommended by
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Health Organization, in the UK, in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in the UK consumed more
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
, in which the
middle
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
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age
Use synonyms
 residents accounted for the largest proportion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, only a few young individuals were able to intake the same amount of nutrition. In 2006, most of
people
Add an article
the people
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 in the UK who
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
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 five or more portions of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
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 were elderly people, especially those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in the
age
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 group between 55 to 64, accounting
with
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for
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 32
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of males and 35
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of females. On top of that, there were many people aged 75
Correct pronoun usage
who achived
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achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
 the standard consumption of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
, the number of
man
Change to a plural noun
men
show examples
 were equal
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
a woman
the woman
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woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 at 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, young adults ate the least of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
, only 15
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of young adults who in the
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 between 19 to 24 ate five or more parts of
fruits
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 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which girls
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly more than boys.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, fruits, vegetables, percent with synonyms.
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