IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. You should write at least 150 words.

#world #health #organization #people #five #portion #fruit #vegetables #bar #percentage #males #females #uk #age #group
The graph indicates the population in different
age
 groups who intake five or more parts of
fruits
 and
vegetables
, as recommended by
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Health Organization, in the UK, in 2006.
Overall
,
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in the UK consumed more
fruits
 and
vegetables
 than
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
, in which the
middle
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
age
 residents accounted for the largest proportion.
On the other hand
, only a few young individuals were able to intake the same amount of nutrition. In 2006, most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 in the UK who
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 five or more portions of
fruits
 and
vegetables
 were elderly people, especially those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the
age
 group between 55 to 64, accounting
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 32
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of males and 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of females. On top of that, there were many people aged 75
Correct pronoun usage
who achived
show examples
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
 the standard consumption of
fruits
 and
vegetables
, the number of
man
Change to a plural noun
men
show examples
 were equal
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 at 25
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
, young adults ate the least of
fruits
 and
vegetables
, only 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of young adults who in the
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 between 19 to 24 ate five or more parts of
fruits
 and
vegetables
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which girls
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly more than boys.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, fruits, vegetables, percent with synonyms.
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