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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two pie charts illustrate the proportions of British
students
Use synonyms
 who studied in England and owned other international
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 except
English
Use synonyms
, in 2000 and 2010. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, the pie chart is divided into six categories, where in 2000
students
Use synonyms
 mostly spoke only
English
Use synonyms
 or
Spanish
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 to it, as happened in 2010, with the exception that
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 speakers outnumbered the
Spanish
Use synonyms
 speakers. In 2000, the vast majority of British
students
Use synonyms
 mostly spoke only
English
Use synonyms
 (30 %) and
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 spoke
Spanish
Use synonyms
 as well. The percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who spoke only French or who knew another
language
Use synonyms
 was 15% for both groups. The German and two other languages spoken
Use synonyms
students
Change preposition
by students
show examples
 percentage made up
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both categories. In 2010,
Use synonyms
Spanish
Correct article usage
the Spanish
show examples
, French and German
language
Use synonyms
 users portion made
Change preposition
up the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tiny minority out of all British
students
Use synonyms
, each group took 10% of all
students
Use synonyms
. A modest 15% and 20% of
students
Use synonyms
 spoke two other languages and French, respectively. A massive 35% of
students
Use synonyms
 did not speak any other
language
Use synonyms
 except
English
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by zakhra.aliyeva2001 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language, english, spanish with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportions" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • multilingualism
  • globalisation
  • immigration
  • education policy
  • career prospects
  • cultural understanding
  • distribution
  • percentage
  • increased/decreased
  • significant
  • trends
  • shifts
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