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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
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World Health Organization give advice about consuming five or more portions of fruit and vegetables per day, and the bar chart below illustrates the percentage of males and females in the UK by
age
Use synonyms
 group in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that the range of
age
Use synonyms
 who eat fruit and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
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 the most is between fifty-five and sixty-four old,
while
Linking Words
 the youngest is the least.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, young people with an average
age
Use synonyms
 of 19-24 are not enough to consume healthy food, with details 15% male and 17% female.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the more
age
Use synonyms
 is adding up, the percentage is getting higher. For the
age
Use synonyms
 55-64 years old it can be said as the range of people who eat fruit and vegetables every day, with old woman 34% and old man 32%. Unfortunately, the number decreased for the range 65-74 years old, which is below 30% and to 75 years old, with an average of only 30%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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