Most high level positions in companies are filled by men eventhough the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50%female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain % of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays
women
are equally capable
to fit
Change preposition
of fitting
show examples
in
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
positions
in great
companies
. It's
critic
Replace the word
critical
show examples
to focus on
this
matter and encourage
companies
to fit more
women
in important
positions
.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
there should be an organization to check
companies
and their percentages of hiring
women
for
crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
positions
. In
this
procedure, it's good to educate more
women
mentaly
Correct your spelling
mentally
to believe that they are capable
to work
Change preposition
of working
show examples
in big
positions
.
Also
, managers need to be trained
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
trusting
women
and their
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
on acting
Change preposition
to act
show examples
in important roles. Every
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
show examples
potentials are different. That's why we can't say that exactly 50% of
women
should be hired for important roles. In one company 70% of employees might be
women
or in another corporate might be 30%
women
and 70% men.
Furthermore
, it can be a brilliant idea to encourage employees to study and update their abilities and
then
compare them with their abilities and their knowledge. It's a better way to find
competable
Correct your spelling
competent
people for the right
positions
and not compare them with their gender.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
conclusion, it's important to have more
women
in higher
positions
but it shouldn't be just because they are a lady.
Companies
should encourage
women
to study more and earn their position with their abilities.
Submitted by maryamnikfekr on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement to directly address the prompt. This sets a focused tone for your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. Concrete examples add credibility to your claims.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focused on a single main idea. This aids in reader comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Transition smoothly between paragraphs and within them to connect ideas more cohesively.
task achievement
You've shown a balanced approach to the topic, considering various aspects.
coherence cohesion
Your English use is generally clear and understandable, allowing readers to follow your main points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • workforce
  • mandatory quotas
  • tokenism
  • diversity in leadership
  • stereotypes
  • work-life balance
  • mentorship programs
  • flexible working conditions
  • maternity leave policies
  • holistic approach
  • cultural shift
  • sustainable gender equality
  • barriers to advancement
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