Most high level positions in companies are filled by men eventhough the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50%female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain % of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays
women
are equally capable to fit
in Change preposition
of fitting
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
positions
in great companies
. It's critic
to focus on Replace the word
critical
this
matter and encourage companies
to fit more women
in important positions
. Also
there should be an organization to check Add a comma
Also,
companies
and their percentages of hiring women
for crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
positions
. In this
procedure, it's good to educate more women
mentaly
to believe that they are capable Correct your spelling
mentally
to work
in big Change preposition
of working
positions
. Also
, managers need to be trained about
trusting Change preposition
in
women
and their potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
on acting
in important roles. Every Change preposition
to act
persons
potentials are different. That's why we can't say that exactly 50% of Change to a genitive case
person's
women
should be hired for important roles. In one company 70% of employees might be women
or in another corporate might be 30% women
and 70% men. Furthermore
, it can be a brilliant idea to encourage employees to study and update their abilities and then
compare them with their abilities and their knowledge. It's a better way to find competable
people for the right Correct your spelling
competent
positions
and not compare them with their gender.
For
conclusion, it's important to have more Change preposition
In
women
in higher positions
but it shouldn't be just because they are a lady. Companies
should encourage women
to study more and earn their position with their abilities.Submitted by maryamnikfekr on
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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement to directly address the prompt. This sets a focused tone for your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. Concrete examples add credibility to your claims.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focused on a single main idea. This aids in reader comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Transition smoothly between paragraphs and within them to connect ideas more cohesively.
task achievement
You've shown a balanced approach to the topic, considering various aspects.
coherence cohesion
Your English use is generally clear and understandable, allowing readers to follow your main points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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