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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays people are overburdened with their work from their job places, your organization has decided to lessen the burden of employees through various means. The higher officials of your organization want to know what the preferences of the employees are, to get rid of the burden so the decision to take a survey regarding this Option A: Giving a free trip to the employees’ with their family twice a year. Option B: Organizing creative workshop for employees’ every fortnight

#people #work #job #places #organization #burden #employees #officials #preferences #decision #survey #option #trip #employees’ #year #b #workshop #fortnight
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In my view, opting for giving a free tour to the workers with their clans two times
in
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apply
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a year outweighs choosing to organize
creative
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a creative
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 workshop for employees every fortnight.
This
Linking Words
 preference is grounded on multifarious factors that I will delineate in the subsequent sections. To commence, one of the primary rationales for my standpoint is
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 job holders can spend their quality time with their family which will enable them to focus on work more concisely.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if they are satisfied with their job entitlements, they will be more productive.
Hence
Linking Words
, it will help them to refresh their mind after carrying out
stressful
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a stressful
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 workload.
Further
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, it will not only prompt them towards work but
also
Linking Words
 they will try to do their best to their work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, facilitating
workshop
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workshops
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 every fortnight will not give them mental peace, on top they will feel that they are giving their leisure time to the company.
Additionally
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, many people prefer to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time with their family. After considering all the arguments, I assert proving
a
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an
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 excursion from the company’s money
hold
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holds
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 a leaning over arranging
extraordinary
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an extraordinary
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 workshop. I appreciate the chance to express my perspective.
Submitted by Lisa Bhuiyan on

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logical structure
Maintain a clear and consistent argument throughout your essay. Try to evenly develop your ideas in all paragraphs to support your viewpoint.
logical structure
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
To further improve, make sure your introduction and conclusion are both clear and directly address the essay prompt.
supported main points
Add more specific examples to better illustrate your points. This will help make your argument more convincing.
supported main points
Ensure each paragraph contributes to the overall argument by closely connecting your main points back to the essay question.
complete response
Try to cover the topic more comprehensively by exploring different aspects of the proposal to better meet the task's requirements.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim to make your position clear from the beginning and consistently support it throughout the essay for a stronger argument.
relevant specific examples
Incorporating a variety of specific examples can significantly enhance your essay’s persuasiveness and clarity.
logical structure
You provided a clear stance and supported it with relevant reasons, which made your essay coherent.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay had a good structure, with an introduction and conclusion that framed your argument well.
supported main points
You effectively used examples and explanations to support your main points, improving the essay's overall clarity and persuasiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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