IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You have arranged to rent a new apartment, but will not be able to move in immediately due to some personal difficulties. Write a letter to the apartment owner. In your letter • describe the situation • explain why you won't be able to move in right now • say that you would like to move in at a later date.

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 email regarding the new apartment that I rented
last
Linking Words
 week. My name is Nouf and I booked one of your apartments number 87
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the second floor. As I told you before,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I got a new job in Jeddah and I am supposed to move these days. I can say that everything is almost done and ready including my apartment, and the furniture.
Also
Linking Words
, I rented a new car which I am really excited
for
Change preposition
about
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.
However
Linking Words
, I am facing difficulties in terms of my current job. My
manger
Correct your spelling
manager
show examples
 told
my
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
 that I am unable to move until I finish working on a project
that is
Linking Words
 highly important.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I find myself in a situation where I am unable to leave my current work
now
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. I believe that the project will take so much time, and I will be busy for the next month.
As a result
Linking Words
, I would like to inform you that I am only able to move to my new place
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the 5th of April. Looking
forwad
Correct your spelling
forward
 to hearing from you. Thank you for understanding. Kind regards, NOUF MUT,

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coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down some of the paragraphs into smaller sections to improve readability. For instance, you could separate the description of your excitement about moving into a new apartment and the difficulties you are encountering into different paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences contribute to the main idea of each paragraph. Some sentences, while informative, may be better placed in a different section for clarity.
task achievement
Your letter addresses all parts of the task, giving a clear description of the situation, explaining why you can't move in right now, and proposing a new date for moving in.
task achievement
You maintain a suitably polite and formal tone throughout the letter, which is appropriate for addressing an apartment owner.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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