The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.
The line chart given provides information about the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
workforce
Change to a plural noun
workforces
show examples
in 5 different sectors from 1930 to 2010 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
of America , which contain
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
sector,
sales
and
office
, farming fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other types of services.
Overall
,The percentage of workers in farming ,fishing and foresting dramatically
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
over the period of time,
while
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
show examples
of employed in industrial ,
sales
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
office
and technical
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
. Taking a closer look at the line graphs, we can see that in 1930, the rate of
worklaborers
Correct your spelling
work laborers
in technical and
sales
and
office
begen by
neraly
Correct your spelling
nearly
15 %.
Moreover
, the amount of employees in farming
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
fishing and foresting was almost 80%. Between 1930 and 1990,
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
a workforce
show examples
in industrial ,
sales
and
office
and technical increased just between 10
Correct your spelling
per cent
perecent
Correct your spelling
per cent
to around 25 %,
whereas
the number of farming ,fishing and foresting
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
below 40% In 1990 , industrial and farming ,fishing and foresting became equal in
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
a ratio
show examples
of around 40%.
Than
Replace the word
Then
show examples
, the 3 different fields which are ( industrial,technical, and
sales
and
office
) rose approximately 30% to 38% in 2010.On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand, farming ,fishing and foresting showed a
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
from 78%to 3%at the
last
period.
Submitted by emannabilalmanthari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, office with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: