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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.
#line #labour #force #employment #five #sectors #period #usa #sector #sales #office #services
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The line chart given provides information about the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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workforce
Change to a plural noun
workforces
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 in 5 different sectors from 1930 to 2010 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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states
Capitalize word
States
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 of America , which contain
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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 sector,
sales
 and
office
, farming fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other types of services.
Overall
 ,The percentage of workers in farming ,fishing and foresting dramatically
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
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 over the period of time,
while
popularity
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the popularity
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 of employed in industrial ,
sales
and
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apply
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office
 and technical
rise
Replace the word
rose
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. Taking a closer look at the line graphs, we can see that in 1930, the rate of
worklaborers
Correct your spelling
work laborers
 in technical and
sales
 and
office
 begen by
neraly
Correct your spelling
nearly
 15 %.
Moreover
, the amount of employees in farming
and
Correct word choice
apply
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fishing and foresting was almost 80%. Between 1930 and 1990,
workforce
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the workforce
a workforce
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 in industrial ,
sales
 and
office
 and technical increased just between 10
Correct your spelling
per cent
perecent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 to around 25 %,
whereas
 the number of farming ,fishing and foresting
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
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 below 40% In 1990 , industrial and farming ,fishing and foresting became equal in
ratio
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the ratio
a ratio
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 of around 40%.
Than
Replace the word
Then
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, the 3 different fields which are ( industrial,technical, and
sales
 and
office
) rose approximately 30% to 38% in 2010.On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, farming ,fishing and foresting showed a
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
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 from 78%to 3%at the
last
 period.
Submitted by emannabilalmanthari on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, office with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • labour force employment
  • economic sectors
  • industrial sector
  • sales and office
  • farming and fishing and foresting
  • technical sector
  • other services
  • general trend
  • consistent rises or falls
  • dramatically declined
  • rural economies
  • shifts in labor demand
  • industrial boom
  • recessions
  • outsourcing trends
  • post-World War II
  • digital age
  • consumer-driven economy
  • socio-economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • broad socio-economic trends
  • globalization
  • consumer habits
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