Now more than ever, people are aware of the importance of good health. Unfortunately, many have poor lifestyle habits that are difficult to break. It is crucial for people to adopt better physical and dietary routines if they expect to improve their health. Which of the following do you think is the best way to stay in good health? - Participating in group sports - Learning how to cook healthy meals - Joining a gym and following a strict exercise routine

The chart shows the comparison
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
many international
students
are studying at the cathedral school and where they come from.
Overall
, the
number
of
students
that come from Southeast Asia remained the highest during the
period
.
Students
of Africa and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
east
Capitalize word
East
show examples
significantly increased within the given time.
Students
that come from South Africa decreased until the
end
of the
period
. The
number
of
students
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Europe
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuation at that time. The
number
of
students
in Southeast Asia illustrated about 24 at the beginning of the
period
, later, in 1999, it dramatically declined to 16. Fortunately, by 2000, it continued to grow, again and it was 20. By the
end
of the
period
, it rose sharply to 27. At the beginning of the time,
students
Correct article usage
the students
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Africa and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
East
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
11, but, during the
period
, it began to rise slowly. In 1999,
students
that
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
from there was 13,
then
, in the next year, it rose to 15.
At the
end
of the
period
, it showed 18. In 1998, the
number
of
students
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
South America
illustrated
Verb problem
was
show examples
15. But, it
deceased
Correct your spelling
decreased
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gradual
Change the word
gradually
show examples
to 10 in 1999. In the next year, it was 8,
then
, in 2001, it declined to 7.
Students
that come from Europe
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
10
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
the beginning of the
period
. It increased to 12 in 1999. But,
then
, it dramatically decreased to 6. By the
end
of the
period
, it rose to 8.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay meets the task requirements and provides a comprehensive response. However, it's essential to ensure that the data comparison is more explicitly linked to your insights. Highlight the significance of the fluctuations and trends mentioned.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, consider using more varied sentence structures and linking words to create smoother transitions between ideas. This will enhance coherence and cohesion, making your points more seamlessly connected.
task achievement
You've accurately identified and described key trends and comparisons in the data provided, showing a solid understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with an introduction that sets the context and body paragraphs that follow logically from the introduction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!