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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graphs below show the percentage of graduates that got full-time jobs after graduating from a university in Australia, and the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the percentage of graduates that got full-time jobs after graduating from a university in Australia, and the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graphs present the proportion of Australian University students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 acquire full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 after graduating. Included as well are their salaries from 2004 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of both
math
Use synonyms
 and other
graduates
Use synonyms
 who receive full-time work after studying shows an unstable trend.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they have the same wage amount from 2004 to 2006,
however
Linking Words
, the inclination differs in the following
years
Use synonyms
. In detail, in 2004, approximately 80% of
Math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 got
a full-time occupations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a full-time occupation
full-time occupations
show examples
 after finishing their education
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Australian University. In 2006, it slowly increased a little more than its initial
percentage
Use synonyms
 and gradually inclined
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 roughly 85% in 2008.
However
Linking Words
, from
then
Linking Words
, it
Rephrase
on, it
show examples
 continually decreased until 2012 at nearly 75%. In comparison, around 62% of other
graduates
Use synonyms
 acquired full-time jobs in 2004. It significantly rose
overpassing
Verb problem
surpassing
show examples
 the proportion of
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 with about 87% in 2006. After 2
years
Use synonyms
, it achieved a similar
percentage
Use synonyms
 to
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 and in the following
years
Use synonyms
, it went down substantially reaching a
percentage
Use synonyms
 similar in 2004.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these grads started to get the same amount of wages in 2004 with $41,000 and $43,000 in 2006. It was recorded that from 2008,
math
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 were provided with the highest salary compared to others. From 2006, it increased by $7,000 in 2008. In the next
years
Use synonyms
, it went up and reached up to $56,000 in 2012. It was noticeable that other
graduates
Use synonyms
’ salaries showed an increase of $2,000 each covered
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 until 2010 with $47,000 and in the
last
Linking Words
 year, they were given $51,000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, math, graduates, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduates
  • Full-time employment
  • Average salary
  • Fluctuating trend
  • Correlation
  • Coincide
  • Stagnated salaries
  • Sector influence
  • Cyclical economic factors
  • Employment percentages
  • Salary trends
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