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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentages of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activities in 2010. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and comparison.

The bar chart below shows the percentages of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activities in 2010. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and comparison.
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The bar graph depicts the information related to the proportion of Kangaroos male and female who belong to various
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 and doing regular exercises in the year 2010. The data is calibrated in percentage. The percentage of males who fall in the 15-24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 commenced at nearly 52% , which fell to approximately 12% to 15% at the
age
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 of 25 to 44, respectively. With the increase in
age
Use synonyms
 , the activities
also
Linking Words
 started increasing, it reached
at
Change preposition
apply
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48
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old
age
Use synonyms
 . The activity level was almost similar between the
age
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groups
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 , which was almost 42 and 45 per cent, considerably. Shifting our focus to
girls'
Correct article usage
the girls'
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, the proportion of females who were involved themselves in daily exercises was less than 50 in the adult
group
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 which gradually started increasing and reached an almost similar level of male males
group
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 15 to 24,nearly 52% After remained constant percentage in the generation c and boomer
groups
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, was more than 50% and
then
Linking Words
 tapering off to an almost identical level to that of men in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 65 and over.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the first class , males
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outnumbered
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
females ,
while
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the middle
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 showed a massive increase in the women
group
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 .
although
Linking Words
 , the
girls
Change to a genitive case
girl's
girls'
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 experienced a higher ratio in middle
age
Use synonyms
 in the older phase , both had a similar
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of energy to perform the activities.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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