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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph depicts the link between age and criminality rate last year ,whilst the pie chart showcases the percentage of numerous kinds of crimes during the same year. Overall, the majroity of criminals are youngsters and a large portion of this phenomenon features violence. It is conspicuous that young people are the prime lawbreakers in the british society. In fact, according to the data, individuals who are 20 are responsible for 80% of crimes. It is also noticeable that there is no criminal under the age of 8 years old. Hence, criminality starts from this period. Furthermore, the crime rate decreases dramatically from the age of 20 to 28 years old, passing from 80% to exactly 20%. Afterwards, it plummets steadily until becoming under the 10% at the age of 60. On the other hand, the pie chart puts forward the fact that violent acts are the most that occured. Indeed, this genre of detrimental action accounts for 46%, followed by property crimes that represent 23% of the total. Then, 22% of crimes that occured the previous year were related to narcotics. Finally, public order crime accounts only for 9%.

The line graph depicts the link between age and criminality rate last year ,whilst the pie chart showcases the percentage of numerous kinds of crimes during the same year. Overall, the majroity of criminals are youngsters and a large portion of this phenomenon features violence. It is conspicuous that young people are the prime lawbreakers in the british society. In fact, according to the data, individuals who are 20 are responsible for 80% of crimes. It is also noticeable that there is no criminal under the age of 8 years old. Hence, criminality starts from this period. Furthermore, the crime rate decreases dramatically from the age of 20 to 28 years old, passing from 80% to exactly 20%. Afterwards, it plummets steadily until becoming under the 10% at the age of 60. On the other hand, the pie chart puts forward the fact that violent acts are the most that occured. Indeed, this genre of detrimental action accounts for 46%, followed by property crimes that represent 23% of the total. Then, 22% of crimes that occured the previous year were related to narcotics. Finally, public order crime accounts only for 9%.
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The line graph depicts the link between
age
Use synonyms
 and
criminality
Correct article usage
the criminality
show examples
 rate
last
Linking Words
 year ,whilst the pie chart showcases the percentage of numerous kinds of
crimes
Use synonyms
 during the same year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
majroity
Correct your spelling
majority
 of criminals are youngsters and a large portion of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon features violence. It is conspicuous that young people are the prime lawbreakers in the
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
 society. In fact,
according to
Linking Words
 the data, individuals who are 20 are responsible for 80% of
crimes
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that there is no criminal under the
age
Use synonyms
 of 8 years old.
Hence
Linking Words
, criminality starts from
this
Linking Words
 period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the crime rate decreases dramatically from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 20 to 28 years old, passing from 80% to exactly 20%. Afterwards, it plummets steadily until becoming under the 10% at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 60.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the pie chart puts forward the fact that violent acts are the most that
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
. Indeed,
this
Linking Words
 genre of detrimental action accounts for 46%, followed by property
crimes
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 represent 23% of the total.
Then
Linking Words
, 22% of
crimes
Use synonyms
 that
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 the previous year were related to narcotics.
Finally
Linking Words
, public order crime accounts only for 9%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, crimes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "depicts" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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