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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
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The International
health association
Correct your spelling
Health Association
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 recommends that individuals should eat five or more portions of fruit and vegetables per day. The chart demonstrates
index
Correct article usage
the index
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 of 2006, where we have the percentage of men and women in the UK by age group.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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highest bar is both men and women from 55 to 64 years old, in comparison with younger people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have lower results than aged adults.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
Diagramm
Correct your spelling
diagram
can show
Wrong verb form
shows
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 that every year, the percentage of males significantly
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
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 more than females, which
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
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 behind only
in
Change preposition
apply
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2% from
index
Add an article
the index
an index
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 of men in each bar.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the
end of age
Add a hyphen
end-of-age
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groups
Change the noun form
group
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 results, researchers illustrate the same proportion of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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 among both genders. As shown in the picture, age affects
on
Change preposition
apply
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eating as well, because older humans tend to consume five or more proportions per day 18-20% more than people from 19 to 24. In
summarise
Change the form of the verb
summarising
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, the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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highest proportion of fruits and vegetables eating was aged people with
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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33-35%.
In addition
Linking Words
, one of the lowest
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 for younger adults that have only 15% in their consuming.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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