IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two figures below show the rate of criminal convictions among men and women of different ages in the UK and the proportion of male and female prison inmates in the British prison system. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The two figures below show the rate of criminal convictions among men and women of different ages in the UK and the proportion of male and female prison inmates in the British prison system. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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Given are two figures concerning criminality in Britain. The first provides information about the rate of
crimes
Use synonyms
 among the two genders,
while
Linking Words
 the second one indicates their ages and gender balance in the UK prison. In conclusion, young people are more motivated to be convicted of
crimes
Use synonyms
 than old males and females.
In addition
Linking Words
, the proportion of men
depict
Verb problem
is
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 96
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 for women it is 4
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of prison inmates. It is apparent from the information supplied that adolescent convicted
crimes
Use synonyms
 increased exponentially for both genders. It reached to
peaks
Fix the agreement mistake
peak
show examples
 at the age of 20.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is evident fact that men are more likely to offend than women. It soars from
a
Remove the article
apply
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vicinity of 2 to 16
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for boys between 10 to 20 years old,
while
Linking Words
 it is 0
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for girls who are 10 years old and rose to approximately 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 by the age of 20. Both sexes considered a dramatic fall in criminality in the next 4 decades. A mere 2
pecent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 of
crimes
Use synonyms
 are committed by 60-year-old men and 0
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 by women of the same age.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words crimes, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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