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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of video game discs that were bought in four months in 2014 from four different game stores, and the pie chart shows the percentage of games that had highest sales over this time

The line graph shows the number of video game discs that were bought in four months in 2014 from four different game stores, and the pie chart shows the percentage of games that had highest sales over this time
The given line graph illustrates the copies of four games that were purchased between January and April in 2014
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart demonstrates the
sales
Use synonyms
 proportion of games throughout the period.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that only
Use synonyms
discs
Correct article usage
the discs
show examples
 that had been bought at Cyberium increased.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of Bioshock
infinite
Capitalize word
Infinite
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 higher than other mentioned
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. Turning to the line graph,
discs
Use synonyms
 sold by Cyberium started at 1600 in the beginning
then
Linking Words
jumping
Wrong verb form
jumped
show examples
 to 3000 in March before slightly
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 to 3250 in April.
In addition
Linking Words
, both GameStop and Ubihard made a decrease in income over the period from approximately 2600 to 1500
sales
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of April
while
Linking Words
 IGN
discs
Use synonyms
, which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 sold, had fluctuated around 1500
sales
Use synonyms
 over the timeline. Moving on to the pie chart, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of Bioshock
infinite
Capitalize word
Infinite
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 double that of Assasin's Creed Unity
sales
Use synonyms
 which contained 15% of all
sales
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Pokemon Platinum's
sales
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
similarly
Linking Words
 two times higher than Far Cry 3
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had 14% of selling game
discs
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 game
sales
Use synonyms
 contained 13% of all
sales
Use synonyms
 over the time period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, discs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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