IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The line chart below shows the percentage of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart below shows the percentage of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 line graph compares the proportion of teenage and adult
video
Use synonyms
 game players who played
games
Use synonyms
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 than ten hours during a week from 1984 to 2003. It's clear that the percentage of
video
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
games
Change the noun form
game
show examples
 players
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a stable
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 since 1984 whatever which
age
Use synonyms
 groups except for the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 15-24. The average of
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group had three times obviously fell. At the beginning of 1984, the proportion of people in each
age
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 who played
games
Use synonyms
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 than ten hours was no more than 20%．Even the amounts of over 35
age
Use synonyms
 group had almost
went
Change the verb form
gone
show examples
 to 0%. In 2001, the number of young people in 15-24
age
Use synonyms
 reached a highest of 52%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, it started to decrease
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 40% immediately,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of 7-14 and 25-34
year old
Add a hyphen
year-old
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 players had a little bit declined,which was about 20% to 18% and 16% to 15% respectively. In both, more and more citizens would like to play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
whatever
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they are young
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 old．

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words video, games, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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