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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant
The two pie charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the comparison and proportion of various types of energy sources and their
production
Use synonyms
 in France in a decade from 1995 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
gas
Use synonyms
 and coal
production
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 highest and
gained
Verb problem
increased
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the period,
while
Linking Words
 the petro energy generation decreased over the decade.
In addition
Linking Words
, the other source of
power
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fell over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 generation and other energy
production
Use synonyms
was climbed
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 significantly in ten years.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1995, coal was used
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 for electricity generation with 29.80%, followed by
gas
Use synonyms
 with 29.63%,
while
Linking Words
 the other source used for the
production
Use synonyms
 was 4.90%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
petro
Correct your spelling
petroleum
 was used as 29.27%,
while
Linking Words
 6.40
%
Change preposition
of %
show examples
power
Use synonyms
produced
Verb problem
was produced
show examples
 with nuclear substance.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in 2005, coal and
gas
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 used more
compare
Replace the word
compared
show examples
 to 2005.
coal
Fix capitalization
Coal
show examples
 was used again at
Correct article usage
the hoghest
show examples
hoghest
Correct your spelling
highest
power
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 with 30.93% and
gas
Use synonyms
 was at 30.31%,
while
Linking Words
 the use of
petro
Correct your spelling
petroleum
 was decreased significantly with 19.55%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the nuclear substance
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
raised
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 percentage
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 10.10%, and
also
Linking Words
 9.10% raised can
be
Rephrase
also be
show examples
 seen in other sources over the period of
decade
Correct article usage
a decade
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words production, gas, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "comparison" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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