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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 - 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two line graphs below show New Zealand import figures from Australia and Japan in the years 1994 - 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
given
Correct word order
apply
show examples
two line graphs
demonstrate
Correct word order
given demonstrate
show examples
 the goods imports from Australia and Japan to New Zealand between the years 1994- 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 countries were fluctuating, yet Japan’s graph was more gradual than the other one.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 were peaks and dips for
both
Use synonyms
 of them. In 1994, New Zealand’s imports from Australia
started by
Verb problem
were
show examples
 1000
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 higher than
Japan
Check wording
Japan's
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 lines had risen until 1997. After that,
both
Use synonyms
 lines had suddenly fallen until 1999. Australia’s exportation fluctuated, and reached 3000
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 imports from Japan slightly fell to 4000
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
. The Australian graph had reached
top
Correct pronoun usage
its top
show examples
, approximately 7000
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, and dropped to 5000
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 between the years 2000 and 2002.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it showed a sharp increase
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and peaked
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 8000
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, which was 4000
million
Use synonyms
higher
Check wording
dollars higher
show examples
 than the start.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the other country
gently
Rephrase
apply
show examples
reached
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 peak
point
Check wording
apply
show examples
in 2000, since it gradually declined to 2000
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words both, million, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend analysis
  • fluctuations
  • peaks
  • troughs
  • significant changes
  • consistency
  • variations
  • overall growth
  • decline
  • diverge
  • converge
  • spiked
  • economic policies
  • trade agreements
  • global economic events
  • predictive insights
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