IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.
The line chart
elaborats
Correct your spelling
elaborates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the working force in five
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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 of employment in
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 category, in the period from 1930 to 2010, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
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 of America.
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
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, among the five sectors of
employment
Punctuation problem
employment,
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 a drastic decline trended for farming , fishing and forestering shown by the end
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 industrial and
techical
Correct your spelling
technical
 had a progressive
upsurged
Replace the word
upsurge
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,but other sectors
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 collapsed
down
Rephrase
apply
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.
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 commence, during the period 1930, the highest standing occupation was farming and fishing and
foresting
Check wording
forestry
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, it was 80% , which
was
Verb problem
apply
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gradually dropped to 10 by neglegible by the end of 2010.
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
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,
industrial
Replace the word
industry
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was
nill
Use the right word
nil
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 in the beginning, after 8
decade
Fix the agreement mistake
decades
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steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 rose to the highest of all, it climbed
near
Change preposition
apply
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to
40
Rephrase
nearly 40
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.
Linking Words
Similarly
Add a comma
Similarly,
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Techinical
Correct your spelling
Technical
also
Linking Words
 showed the same trend as industrial.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Sales and Office had
a
Correct article usage
an
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 excellent start in the earlier years, more than 15 during 1930, which
showing
Wrong verb form
showed
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 a fluctuating graph, and by 2010 made a gain of 20.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, other services
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 had
exact
Correct article usage
the exact
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 opposite trend compared to sales and offices
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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 the earlier
period
Punctuation problem
period,
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 it was 5
,
Punctuation problem
;
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later
Punctuation problem
later,
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towords
Correct your spelling
towards
 the deadline, it collapsed to 5.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "collapsed" was used 2 times.
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