IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Paying all workers the same salary in a company promotes harmony and respect amongst colleagues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Having the same salary for all
workers
Use synonyms
 in a
company
Use synonyms
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 like a better way to help colleagues practice
harmony
Use synonyms
 and
respect
Use synonyms
. Personally, I do not agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the contrary, it will lead to more serious issues within a
company
Use synonyms
. If the
workers
Use synonyms
 in a
company
Use synonyms
 were receiving the same salary, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be totally unfair to the people who are working in a senior management position. Because
job
Use synonyms
 positions,
such
Linking Words
 as manager, executive or assistant to the regional manager, are handling more difficult
job
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 scopes and holding much greater
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is unfair to them to get
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same pay as the other
workers
Use synonyms
 who are doing much less
Use synonyms
job
Check wording
work
show examples
 and
simple
Correct word choice
simpler
show examples
 tasks. Other than that,
due to
Linking Words
 the issue of everyone getting the same amount of payment, it is assumed that everyone in a particular
company
Use synonyms
 will treat each other like friends.
This
Linking Words
 will worsen the idea of
harmony
Use synonyms
 and
respect
Use synonyms
 because
then
Linking Words
 some problems,
such
Linking Words
 as
bully
Check wording
bullying
show examples
 cases and work
politics
Punctuation problem
politics,
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 will appear among the colleagues.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, different
job
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 positions should have different salaries.
For instance
Linking Words
, a manager should receive
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher pay than a worker who is handling
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 scope. When there are
differeny
Correct your spelling
different
 salaries for different
job
Use synonyms
 positions,
respect
Use synonyms
 will be
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 among colleagues,
then
Linking Words
harmony
Use synonyms
 will
seemed
Wrong verb form
seem
show examples
 to be working in
this
Linking Words
 case. In conclusion, I do not stand with the idea of all
workers
Use synonyms
 getting similar
job
Use synonyms
income
Punctuation problem
income,
show examples
 as it will ruin the
harmony
Use synonyms
 and
respect
Use synonyms
 that a
company
Use synonyms
 once
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear and you say you disagree from the start. This is good. But some ideas need more full support. Explain more why same pay would not bring respect, and how different pay can help work life.
task response
Task response: Add one more clear example from real work. For example, show how a team leader does more work or takes more risk than a new worker. This will make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This helps the reader follow your view. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links between ideas are not fully smooth. Use clear words like first, also, for example, and as a result to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The second body paragraph is less clear. The idea that same pay will make people act like friends, then lead to bullying, needs more careful steps. Make each point connect in a more direct way.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion in the first paragraph.
task response
You include an example about manager and worker pay, which helps support your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs for different main ideas, and you have both an introduction and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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