The graphs below show the percentage of graduates that got full-time jobs after graduating from a university in Australia, and the average salary of both these types of graduates, from 2004 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graphs show the percentage of people graduted from
unvirsity
Correct your spelling
university
in Australia and had
full
Correct your spelling
full-time
time
Use synonyms
jobs
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, and the average salary for
both
Use synonyms
types of
Use synonyms
gradutes
Correct your spelling
graduates
, from 2004 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, other
Use synonyms
gradutes
Check wording
graduates
show examples
were the lowest in the
first
Use synonyms
of
Check wording
part of
show examples
the period. In the end,
math
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Use synonyms
gradutes
Correct your spelling
graduates
had a period of stability.
In contrast
Linking Words
, salaries, the highest were marth
gradutes
Use synonyms
in the end of the period.
Both
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
gradutes
Replace the word
graduates
had the same amount of money
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Use synonyms
first
Correct word choice
same
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
First
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of all, from 2004 to 2006,
math
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Use synonyms
gradutes
Correct your spelling
graduates
stood for above 75%. By 2004,
others
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were
noticably
Correct your spelling
noticeably
under 75%. After two years, other
Use synonyms
gradutes
Check wording
graduates
show examples
went up gradually to in the middle between 100% and 75%. By 2008,
both
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Use synonyms
gradutes
Replace the word
graduates
recorded the same
figures
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for above 75%,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
showed a gradual decrease
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the middle between 75% and 50% until 2012. By 2010,
Math
Use synonyms
figures
Use synonyms
went down slightly to nearly above 75%. And they remained the same until 2012. Meanwhile, salaries, from 2004 to 2006,
Use synonyms
both
Correct word order
were the same for both graduates
show examples
gradutes
Use synonyms
were the same in the
first
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time
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
$41,000, and in the second
time
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, they were higher by $2000. By 2008,
math
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Use synonyms
gradutes
Replace the word
graduates
rose to $50,000,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and
show examples
others
Use synonyms
had a slight increase with $45,000. By 2010,
math
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figures
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had $1000 higher than previous years, and
others
Use synonyms
increased to $47,000. By 2012,
math
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Use synonyms
gradutes
Check wording
graduates
show examples
went up to $56,000
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
at the same
time
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
others
Correct word choice
other
show examples
figures
Use synonyms
had $4000 higher than
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, both, gradutes, first, math, others, figures with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduates
  • Full-time employment
  • Average salary
  • Fluctuating trend
  • Correlation
  • Coincide
  • Stagnated salaries
  • Sector influence
  • Cyclical economic factors
  • Employment percentages
  • Salary trends
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