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Writing Samples
Band 5

Paying all workers the same salary in a company promotes harmony and respect amongst colleagues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Having the same salary for all workers in a company seems like a better way to help colleagues practice peace and respect. Personally, I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea;
on the contrary
Linking Words
, it will lead to more serious issues within
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 association.
Body paragraph 1
If the band in a company were receiving the same salary, it would be totally unfair to the people who are working in a senior management position. Because career positions,
such
Linking Words
 as manager, executive or assistant to the regional manager, are handling more difficult
job
Use synonyms
 scopes and holding much greater responsibility.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is unfair to them to get the same pay as the other workers who are doing much less work and simpler tasks.
Body paragraph 2
Other than that,
due to
Linking Words
 the issue of everyone getting the same amount of payment, it is assumed that everyone in a particular association will treat each other like friends.
This
Linking Words
 will worsen the idea of harmony and regard because
then
Linking Words
 some problems,
such
Linking Words
 as bullying cases and work politics, will appear among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
colleagues.
Body paragraph 3
From my perspective, different
job
Use synonyms
 positions should have different salaries.
For instance
Linking Words
, a manager should receive higher pay than a worker who is handling a normal
job
Use synonyms
 scope. When there are different salaries for different career positions,
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 will be practised among colleagues,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 harmony will seem to be working in
this
Linking Words
 case.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I do not stand with the idea of all workers getting similar
job
Use synonyms
 income, as it will ruin the conformity and
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 that a company once had

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree. Keep this view in every part. Explain more fully why equal pay may cause anger, less hard work, or staff leaving.
task response
Your second main point is not clear enough. Saying that equal pay makes people act like friends does not clearly lead to bullying or work politics. Give a direct reason and a short real-life example.
task response
Use more exact examples. For example, compare a manager who leads a team and makes key choices with a new worker who has fewer tasks. Show why their pay should be different.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This is good. Make each body part follow one clear path: main idea, reason, example, and result.
coherence and cohesion
Some word links are used in an unclear way. For example, use "because" to give a reason, "therefore" to show a result, and "however" to show a different idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as "the band", "association", "conformity", and "honor". Use simple and exact words like "workers", "company", "fairness", and "respect".
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear personal view from the first paragraph to the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses clear paragraph breaks, and the conclusion restates your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph has a useful main idea: people with more work and more responsibility may expect higher pay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • salary equality
  • pay gap
  • workplace harmony
  • mutual respect
  • sense of fairness
  • team spirit
  • equal treatment
  • job responsibility
  • level of experience
  • specialist skills
  • reward performance
  • financial incentive
  • employee motivation
  • career progression
  • staff retention
  • high-performing employees
  • transparent pay system
  • performance-based pay
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