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Writing Samples
Band 4

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
#world #health #organization #people #five #portion #fruit #vegetables #bar #percentage #males #females #uk #age #group
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The world organization made a bar chart by
age
Use synonyms
 with percentage count for how many women & men eat
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetabels
Correct your spelling
vegetables
dring
Correct your spelling
during
show examples
 the day in the UK
2006
Change preposition
in 2006
show examples
, They
recommends
Change the verb form
recommend
show examples
 that people should eat five or more portions of
both
Use synonyms
 fruit and
vegetabels
Correct your spelling
vegetables
. The paragraph shows that people from the
age
Use synonyms
 55-64 from
both
Use synonyms
 genders consume
fruits
Use synonyms
 and vegetables the most, After that the
age
Use synonyms
 65-74 where in
both
Use synonyms
case's
Change noun form
cases
show examples
 women are the one's who
absorbing
Wrong verb form
absorb
show examples
fruits
Use synonyms
 and
vegetabels
Correct your spelling
vegetables
 the most and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 the biggest benefit. Yet it
didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
pass
Change the verb form
passes
show examples
 the 30% from the
age
Use synonyms
 19-54. The younger people should
also
Linking Words
 consume
both
Use synonyms
fruits
Use synonyms
 and vegetables so they can grow
stroung
Correct your spelling
strong
 and healthy. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 55-64 is the only
age
Use synonyms
 that went above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
30% where the rest of the
age
Use synonyms
 group was under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
30%, the ages 19-24
didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
 even pass
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 the bar chart shows that women
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
 consume
fruits
Use synonyms
 and vegetables more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 men.
Submitted by ieltsfay on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, fruits, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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