IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. You should write at least 150 words.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. You should write at least 150 words.
#world #health #organization #people #five #portion #fruit #vegetables #bar #percentage #males #females #uk #age #group
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The chart shows information regarding the proportion of men and women, from
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and of varying
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
, who
eat
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
 five portions of fruits and vegetables in 2006.
This
 is in accordance with
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world health organization's
Correct your spelling
World Health Organization's
show examples
 recommendation.
Overall
,
females
 have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
percentage
 of consumption than
males
 regardless of
age
.
In addition
, both genders who belonged
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group
 55-64 had the highest
percentage
while
 the youngest
age
group
 had the least. It can be seen among
females
 that as
age
 goes higher, there was an increase in consumption until the
age
 of 55-64 reaching a little over a third (34%), which is
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
twice as the
females
 aged 19 to 24.
However
, older adults aged 65-74 and 75 had lower
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 with 29% and 25% respectively.
Similar
Add an article
A similar
show examples
 trend can
also
 be noticed with its male counterpart. Starting from 15% for 19-24 year olds increased to 23% for 35-44 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remained the same for ages 45 to 54. At
age
 55 to 64,
males
 peaked at around around 32%. There was a decline in
percentage
 as
males
 reached
age
 65-74 and 75 with a figure of around 26% and 25%, respectively. Throughout the
age
 groups,
females
 had
Add an article
a consistent
show examples
consistent
Change the word
consistently
show examples
 higher
percentage
 than
males
.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, a small difference
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the youngest
age
group
 with just approximately 2%, and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 figure with the oldest
age
group
 at 25%
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, females, percentage, males with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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