This line graph depicts information about how many books were read, in Burnaby public library by male and female, for four years. Overall, the ratio of men rose dramatically throughout the period, whereas the women gradually decrease at the end. According to what is shown, in 2011, women were read more than men between 5000 and 3000 book. Then, in both two years read books were increased by boys and girls. Moreover, the percentage of reading book men grow up quickly until the end However, the women were gradual growth from 2012. In both genders were same number which is 10000 books in 2013. Additionally, the first drop for females started from 2013 to 2014, it went down to 7000. In conclusion, in fact the men overcome women by the number of reading book at Burnaby public library. If females hadn’t fall at the end, they haven’t lost.

This line graph depicts information about how many books were read, in Burnaby public library by male and female, for four years. Overall, the ratio of men rose dramatically throughout the period, whereas the women gradually decrease at the end.    

                      According to what is shown, in 2011, women were read more than men between 5000 and 3000 book. Then, in both two years read books were increased by boys and girls. Moreover, the percentage of reading book men grow up quickly until the end However, the women were gradual growth from 2012. In both genders were same number which is 10000 books in 2013. Additionally, the first drop for females started from 2013 to 2014, it went down to 7000. 

                       In conclusion, in fact the men overcome women by the number of reading book at Burnaby public library. If females hadn’t fall at the end, they haven’t lost.
This
line graph depicts information about how many books were read, in Burnaby public library by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, for four years.
Overall
, the ratio of
men
rose dramatically throughout the period,
whereas
the
women
gradually
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
at the end
.
According to
what is shown, in 2011,
women
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
read more than
men
between 5000 and 3000
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
.
Then
, in both two years
read
Replace the word
reading
show examples
books
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by boys and girls.
Moreover
, the percentage of reading book
men
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
quickly until the end
However
, the
women
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradual growth
Replace the word
gradually grew
show examples
from 2012.
In both
Change preposition
Both
show examples
genders
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
number which is
10000
Correct your spelling
10,000
books in 2013.
Additionally
, the first drop for females started from 2013 to 2014, it went down to 7000. In conclusion, in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
the
men
overcome
women
by the number of reading
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
at Burnaby public library. If females hadn’t
Wrong verb form
fallen
show examples
fall
Wrong verb form
fallen
show examples
at the end
, they haven’t lost.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "depicts" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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