IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #world #health #organization #people #five #portion #fruit #vegetables #bar #percentage #males #females #uk #age #group
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The graph illustrates the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 to
women
Use synonyms
 in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups who ate a recommended daily meal in the United Kingdom in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is immediately apparent that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the gender that abided by the daily recommended meal across the various
age
Use synonyms
 groups was females.
Also
Linking Words
, the most abiding people for both sexes
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 observed in the 55-64
age
Use synonyms
 group.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, for the youth, 16% of females who were
within
Change preposition
between
show examples
 19-24 years
took
Correct word choice
old took
show examples
 in the required portion of food on a daily basis compared to 15% of males doing
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group. Meanwhile, there were 2% more
women
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
 who ate vegetables in the 25-34 and 35-44
age
Use synonyms
 groups. With regards to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
 individuals, whilst approximately 5% more
women
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
 consumed the recommended portions among the 45-54
age
Use synonyms
 range, those in the 55-64 year category only saw 2% more
women
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
 eat the recommended food. Turning to the elderly,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the more a person ages, the less likely they are to eat their daily recommended portions. Interestingly, the
75 year olds
Add a hyphen
75-year-olds
show examples
 had the same percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 as
men
Use synonyms
 eating the required meal.
Submitted by nmaureen03 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced diet
  • fruit and vegetable intake
  • recommendations
  • percentage
  • males
  • females
  • age group
  • consumption
  • comparison
  • analyze
  • increase
  • intake
  • statistics
  • data
  • trend
  • healthy lifestyle
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