IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

WRITING TASK 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task The two figures below show the rate of criminal convictions among men and women of different ages in the UK and the proportion of male and female prison inmates in the British prison system. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant Write at least 150 words

#minutes #two #figures #show #rate #convictions #men #women #ages #uk #proportion #prison #inmates #british #system #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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A glance at the graphs reveals a considerable difference between
men
 and women in their percentage in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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prison
as well as
 the criminal convictions, Both males being higher, in the United Kingdom.
Overall
, Prisons are mostly occupied by
men
,
similarly
,
men
in
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of
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 all ages commit more crimes than women,
this
Correct word choice
and this
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 is more significant in their
20's
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20s
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. Taking 2% of all crimes in
10 year old
Add a hyphen
10-year-old
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 children, The figure rapidly climbs to a peak of 16
percent
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per cent
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 when they are 20 years old,
this
 number
then
 sees a consistent decline afterwards to 2
percent
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per cent
show examples
 in 60. Starting with 0% in 10 and peaking in 20, criminal convictions
then
gradully
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gradually
decreasee
Correct your spelling
decrease
decreased
decreases
 to 0 again, when they are 60.
Men
take
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make
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 up 96
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of
prison
Correct article usage
the prison
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popultion
Correct your spelling
population
populations
while
 women
taking
Verb problem
make
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 only 4%. one noticeable
feauture
Correct your spelling
feature
 is that trends of how
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of
crimiminal
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criminal
convitions
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conditions
change
Change the verb form
changes
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 in relation
with
Change preposition
to
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 age have striking similarities between both genders.
Submitted by soroush.nezami on

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Clarity
Ensure clarity in presenting data and analysis. Distinguish between different data sets and clarify relationships.
Structure
Remember to use paragraphing effectively to separate different points and to structure the overall response.
Vocabulary/Grammar
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance the quality of your writing.
Content
You effectively summarized the main trends and differences between males and females regarding crime rates and prison populations.
Introduction
Your essay starts with a clear overview of the data, effectively setting the stage for more detailed analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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