IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two figures below show the rate of criminal convictions among men and women of different ages in the UK and the proportion of male and female prison inmates in the British prison system.

#two #figures #show #rate #convictions #men #women #ages #uk #proportion #prison #inmates #british #system
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A glance at the pie chart and line graph delineates information about the commensurability between male and female delinquents, and the age range of genders denounced in the UK.
Overall
, it can be explicitly perceived that men are an overwhelmingly part of the prisons with respect to women, encompassing a general range of 10-year-olds to 50 years older with a summit of approximately 20-year-old convictions. Enhancing the percentage of sentences exponentially from a negligible 2 for a 10-year-old boy to 16 a decade later, encountering the distinguished climax among both sexes.
This
 was followed by a plunge nosedived to virtually the age of 40 for men, achieving 8%. Over a discernable plateau until 45,
however
, the trend has represented a steady descent till the elderly, to somewhere in the vicinity of 2 per cent. In the other gender, meanwhile, the maximation scenario of the girls pursues the male algorithm by the percentage from zero to just over five during the decade. After several cycles of declining considerably and remaining constant for the amount of population, the prisons were depleted by the 60-year women. It is noteworthy that Brit's masculine culprits outnumber those of feminines staggeringly 24 to 1. Some 96% of them are men,
while
 the remainder
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 female.
Submitted by mohammadhassan.rajati on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Detail Depth
Try to include more specific data to support your analysis, which will help in making your argument more compelling.
Language Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain the reader's interest.
Balance
Make sure all parts of your essay are equally developed. Some sections may benefit from additional examples or explanations.
Introduction
Your introduction provides a good overview of the charts' content.
Comparison
You maintained a clear comparison between males and females throughout, aiding in the coherence of your argument.
Structure
The overall structure of your essay is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: